True: Ethan Read online

  Table of Contents

  True: Ethan

  Copyright

  Ethan

  Loose Id Titles by Rowan McBride

  Rowan McBride

  True:

  ETHAN

  Rowan McBride

  www.loose-id.com

  True: Ethan

  Copyright © August 2017 by Rowan McBride

  All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  Image/art disclaimer: Licensed material is being used for illustrative purposes only. Any person depicted in the licensed material is a model.

  eISBN 9781682524114

  Editor: Raven McKnight

  Cover Artist: April Martinez

  Published in the United States of America

  Loose Id LLC

  PO Box 170549

  San Francisco CA 94117-0549

  www.loose-id.com

  This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Warning

  This e-book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language and may be considered offensive to some readers. Loose Id LLC’s e-books are for sale to adults ONLY, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.

  * * * *

  DISCLAIMER: Please do not try any new sexual practice, especially those that might be found in our BDSM/fetish titles without the guidance of an experienced practitioner. Neither Loose Id LLC nor its authors will be responsible for any loss, harm, injury or death resulting from use of the information contained in any of its titles.

  Ethan

  Dumped?

  Ethan looked up at Jeff’s face, saw that he was serious, and nodded. “Okay. I guess I’ll leave now, then.”

  Jeff stopped him when he opened the door to leave the apartment. “Aren’t you going to take your stuff?”

  Once the bonds of love were broken, he had to start over, with nothing but what he carried on his body. The rules of his kind. Jeff didn’t understand that—he was human.

  “You can keep it if you want. Or throw it out. Whatever suits you.”

  Jeff frowned, and his fist clenched as he glanced away. “Fine. Get out of here.”

  Ethan closed the door behind him.

  Once in the hallway, he slid down to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest. It was well past midnight, so he didn’t worry about another tenant stumbling over him. Tears slipped down his face as he whispered the questions he was incapable of asking his mate. “Why?” He curled forward into a tight ball of pain. “Don’t you love me? Did you ever love me?” He’d been dumped before—in this human world it seemed an inevitability—but he’d thought Jeff would be forever. So many things about him were so…right. He hadn’t been a perfect fit, but then, no human could ever be a perfect mate for a Novahn.

  Ethan sat on the floor for nearly an hour, trying to purge the soured love from his body.

  Get up. Time to find someone new.

  Obeying the command of his Novahn nature, he lurched to his feet and left the apartment building.

  * * * *

  Three days later, he found he had no interest in finding someone new.

  “Love or die.” His best friend, a Novahn named Myra, scooped a massive pile of noodles out of her Chinese takeout box. Years of practice had yet to improve her skill with chopsticks, however, and most of the noodles slid back into the carton. “You’ve already thrown away three days of your lunar cycle.”

  Ethan laid his head on the arm of her couch, remembering Jeff’s hazel eyes. “I still love him.”

  She clicked her chopsticks together, as if testing their viability. “That’s your problem, Ethan. You’re always falling in love with your mates. We’re seventh-generation Novahn on this planet. That romantic stuff was for our great-great…great-something grandparents.”

  He tried to banish Jeff’s image by focusing on Myra as she sat on the floor, attacking her noodles with dogged determination. “When did your hair turn red?”

  “This morning.” She speared a piece of pork with one of her sticks and stuck it into her mouth. “His name is Matthew. I think it reminds him of the sunset.”

  When they were children, they’d had their own forms. It wasn’t until puberty hit that they began to take on traits preferred by their mates. “Your hair suited you when it was like midnight. What happened to Cooper?”

  “Dumped Cooper.” She shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not thrilled with the new shade either.”

  “You dumped him?”

  “You know I change to a new human every few months. That’s why I never get into the fixes you do.”

  Ethan couldn’t imagine switching mates so often. His heart had been ripped from his chest with this last joining. “My mother, she died of a broken heart.”

  Myra paused, then set her noodles on the coffee table. “Our genetics are so strong. No matter how many generations of us are born on this planet, our Novahn essence will always dominate, and the human blood within us will never make us human. That’s why the Kaznians spliced our DNA into those Senai servants of theirs.”

  She leaned forward. “But you remember what we learned in supplemental school. Our colony settled here because most of us can have better lives, without the pressure of finding a fit that’s genetically, emotionally, spiritually perfect. Your mother… She was unlucky. She loved your dad with a Novahn’s passion, despite him being human and a horrible fit for her.”

  His vision slipped out of focus again. He didn’t need a history lesson. He needed his mate. “She looked…peaceful when she closed her eyes the last time.”

  The chopsticks fell out of Myra’s hand. “Ethan, don’t tell me you’re—”

  “I think it would be better than what I feel now.”

  She climbed over the table and crawled onto the couch to wrap her arms and legs around him. “Don’t talk like that. It’s not as if he was your True mate.”

  “He was close enough to True. Closer than I’d ever been.”

  Myra swore and nestled against him. “You want so badly to click with someone, but that can’t happen here. Sometimes I wish there were enough of us to mate with each other and that the elders hadn’t banned those relationships. Only sometimes, though. I really believe lesser connections are better because we can live free if we try at it.”

  “I don’t want to live free. I want to belong to someone.” His mother had belonged. So thoroughly that she didn’t even think to seek out someone new when his father left them. Ethan had never understood how she could allow him to suffer the loss of both his parents by giving up that way. Until now. Until Jeff.

  Myra hugged him tight. “Take another couple of days. You’ll feel that yearning need to love someone else. You’ll see.”

  The words didn’t comfort him. Ethan already felt himself slipping. He’d been with Jeff for six years. A lunar month was twenty-nine days, twelve hours, and forty-four minutes. He had twenty-five days, eighteen hours, and twelve minutes left.

  How could he mate with someone new by then?

  Easier to let his heart break.

  * * * *

  Thirteen hours. That’s all Ethan had left. The
n he would close his eyes and never open them again.

  He was fine with it.

  Having given up his own apartment years ago, he’d decided to spend his last hours on the roof of Myra’s building. She knew he was here, but she couldn’t bear to sit by and watch him die. And truthfully, Ethan couldn’t bear to see her tears. It wasn’t his fault he hadn’t found a mate. He’d tried. No one had fit.

  Or maybe he just didn’t want anyone to fit.

  So he lay out on his back and stared up at the night sky, regretting that he hadn’t driven out to the country despite the cold fall weather. The stars weren’t visible here. He could only see the lights of the city reflected against the few clouds that hung low and obscured the full moon. But he didn’t want to die surrounded by dead leaves. If he’d had his way, he would have died among wildflowers and brightness.

  Of course, if he’d had his way, he wouldn’t have been dumped at all.

  “Ethan?”

  He turned his head, and his breath caught when he saw the man standing next to him. Dark hair, bright eyes. The sight almost gave him enough strength to sit up.

  “J-Jeff?”

  The man shook his head and crouched beside him, his long coat brushing Ethan’s arm. “It’s Brendan. You probably don’t remember me—I’m Jeff’s brother.”

  Ethan blinked, and the hazel eyes he’d pinned his hopes on shifted into emerald green. “I remember,” he said, wondering why the realization hadn’t devastated him. “You were in high school when I met him.”

  Brendan smiled, and the expression lit his entire face. “That’s right. We only met once, five years ago.”

  “Because you were uncomfortable around me.”

  Chuckling, he took a seat on the concrete. “Yeah, well, I’d never had a crush on a guy before, let alone one of my brother’s boyfriends. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

  “A crush?” Ethan frowned, tried to push himself into a sitting position. Days of not eating—weeks of not loving—had sapped his strength.

  Brendan slipped his arms around him, helped him up, and didn’t pull away. “The one time I saw you, I dropped an armful of books and fell on my face. Remember that?”

  Ethan nodded against the human, inhaling his scent. Sun-warmed earth. Lusty flowers in full bloom. The very things he’d been craving a few moments ago. “How old are you now?”

  “Twenty-two.”

  Ethan was only three years older. He was actually closer to Brendan’s age than Jeff’s. “What are you doing here?”

  “Jeff only told our family a week ago you two had broken up. When I heard, I hopped the first plane out here. I wasted a lot of time trying to be subtle and finally got enough info from my brother to track down Myra. She directed me here.”

  Ethan had trusted too much. Loved too deeply. This building was a Novahn sanctuary, and he shouldn’t have given an outsider like Jeff enough personal details to track him down.

  And Myra… A broken heart was such a personal thing. Why would she tell a stranger where he was? A human stranger? They’d both gone through their rebellious phases, but this?

  He shivered, wanting to close his eyes.

  Brendan opened up his coat and pulled him close, encircling them both. “You shouldn’t die for him, you know. I love my brother, but he’s an ass.”

  Ethan started. “How did you—”

  “Myra told me.” Brendan extended his legs along Ethan’s and tightened his embrace. “Why didn’t you tell Jeff that your life was linked to his?”

  Stunned, confused, Ethan tried to move away. Brendan held him fast. “We can’t tell anyone who we really are, not even the ones we love.”

  “And you really do love him, don’t you? So much that you let your life drain away when he’s not near.”

  Hearing the truth said aloud—by an outsider—made him feel exposed, fragile. “I don’t know what else to do,” he said, letting his eyes drift shut.

  “You could live.”

  “There’s no one to live for.”

  Brendan lowered his head, spoke into Ethan’s ear. “Try living for me. Just a little while. You might like it.”

  He forced his eyes open. “You?”

  “Whenever Jeff called, I’d ask about you. I hated the way he talked about you—like you were some kind of pet—but I kept asking. I loved listening to the stories. How you’d ambush him with a kiss when he came home from work, how you’d spend hours touching him, how you were always happy when he was around. He didn’t like any of it, but I was so jealous.”

  Tears slipped past his control. Why had Jeff kept him around for so long if he hadn’t liked those things? Ethan knew all too well that a Novahn’s love could be stifling by human standards, but he’d tried to hold back on his urges, to be the man Jeff wanted.

  “He was so close,” Ethan said softly, tired of thinking about it. “But something…something was always missing.”

  Brendan gently wiped his tears away. “You shouldn’t waste your tears on him either. He had no idea what he had.” A warm hand stroked Ethan’s hair. “He always did go for blonds. Myra showed me some interesting pictures with some of the other looks you’ve had. What’s your real hair color? Do you remember?”

  Did Myra tell him everything? “Brown. Nobody ever wants brown.”

  “I think brown’s nice.” Brendan nuzzled his hair. “Like chocolate or caramel or hot, sweet coffee. Were your eyes that color too?”

  “I’m…I’m not sure.” Myra kept pictures, but most Novahn were conditioned to let go of the images from their past. Ethan tried to think back, to the boy he’d once been. “I think so.”

  “Wish I could have seen that.”

  Ethan tried to straighten again, and again found himself held firm against Brendan’s hard body. This was not the lanky kid he’d met five years ago. “Myra told you what we are, and you accepted it?”

  “I’ve always known you weren’t like other guys. Before you, I only went for women. After you, I didn’t go for anyone, really.” His hand slid over Ethan’s chest, covered his heart. “Your heart’s not broken. Not yet. I can feel it beating.”

  Ethan’s back arched as he suddenly ached for more of Brendan’s touch. “Why are you here?” he whispered.

  “Because the first time I saw you, I lost all control of my body. God, I was so embarrassed, and Jeff didn’t help things by laughing at me. But you helped me up, gathered my books, and put them back in my arms. You smiled, and it was warm, not mocking. You held my face in your hand and asked me if I was all right.” Brendan brushed a kiss against his cheek. “Something happened then. Like a click inside of me.”

  “A click?” Ethan turned and looked up at the man holding him so securely. Those green eyes were intimate in a way he’d never experienced with Jeff, that smile more genuine.

  Brendan held him close. “You fit so well with me. I think—if you could just forget about Jeff a second—you’d feel it too.”

  Those words stirred his senses, enabled him to focus on the arms and legs wrapped around him. Brendan’s body was warm, even in this late November air. And it felt…

  Like summer.

  “You don’t have to take me as your mate, Ethan.” Brendan dropped another kiss onto his skin. “Just try me on for a few hours. See how I fit you.”

  A door inside of him opened a crack as life whispered into his limbs. He’d been trying to force that door open for a month, and Brendan had done it in a matter of moments.

  Maybe…

  Ethan slipped his arms—so heavy with fatigue—around Brendan’s waist.

  Brendan ran a palm up and down his back. “It’s cold out here. Why don’t we go to my hotel?”

  Ethan hesitated, then nodded. Brendan stood and brought him to his feet.

  He glanced up in surprise. “You’re taller than Jeff.”

  “Had a wicked growth spurt in college.” Brendan grinned. “I’m six inches taller than him now, and he hates it.”

  Jeff had unconsciously added four i
nches of height to Ethan’s frame. If he mated with Brendan, would he grow again?

  Brendan released him, and Ethan’s knees buckled.

  “Whoa.” Brendan caught him around his waist, helping him to stand straight. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were that weak.”

  The forearms Ethan gripped felt like warm steel beneath his fingers. What had this man done to himself over the last five years? “It’s easier to stand if your hands are on me.” Some small measure of strength was returning, and he knew that meant Brendan had potential as a mate.

  But could Ethan take him? After preparing for death so long?

  One of Brendan’s hands slid upward to cup his face. “Can you walk?”

  He tried to take a step and realized his legs were too heavy. “I don’t think so.”

  “That’s okay.” Brendan scooped him up, cradling him in his arms. “I’ve got you.”

  Shocked, Ethan flung his arms around Brendan and pressed himself close. It took a moment to realize that the hold around him was rock steady, and another few seconds to straighten and look into Brendan’s smiling face. “Aren’t I heavy?”

  His grin widened. “You’re so cute.”

  Cute? Did that mean he had the same tastes as his brother? “That’s not what I—”

  Brendan walked toward the roof exit. Jostled by the movement, Ethan lost track of what he’d been about to say as they went down the narrow stairs.

  “You want to stop by Myra’s place?” asked Brendan. “Let her know you’re coming with me?”

  Ethan still couldn’t fathom why Myra would send a stranger to the roof, and he didn’t quite understand why he was leaving with one. “She’s prepared herself for my passing. I don’t want to get her hopes up.”

  Brendan’s voice dropped, but he didn’t slow his pace as he walked down the rest of the stairs. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think she’s prepared. At all.”

  Ethan tried not to think about that. “There’s an elevator in this building, you know.”

  “But elevator rides are so quick.”

  Teasing. He didn’t get the joke and was too tired to press. Instead, he laid his head on Brendan’s shoulder, letting himself experience the hard curves of his arms, the swell of his broad chest.